The Color of Our Skin

I soaped my skin over and over, about 50 times. I saw her mean, little lips saying it in my head, "you're muddy." This was the day I became aware of my skin color. I was just 7 years old. I wondered why my skin was muddy and cried when I couldn't wash the "muddiness" away. From this day on I was uncomfortable in my own skin, self conscious. There are so many other girls, boys and adults who I'm sure have felt and done the same.

I am a mixed race girl from the Caribbean. My country is often referred to as a rainbow, emphasizing the mix of races, cultures and religions that make up our unique demographic. Isn't it odd then that my skin color would make me feel like a pariah? But the skin color complex is one that is entrenched in our culture. In fact it is so deeply embedded that we don't even notice how much it affects our thought and consequently, our behavior. It was an issue 24 years ago and it is still an issue now, a worldwide issue.

I moved to Miami, Florida in my mid teens. While my Caribbean accent differentiated me from the others at my private Catholic school, there was something else that set me apart; my skin color. I was one of five dark skinned students in the entire school. I tried hard to come out of my shell and be a part of the school community, but it was a challenge. I joined the drama club and decided to audition for a part in my school's production of "Grease." I wanted to play the part of Rizzo and I practiced non-stop till I perfected the role. On audition day I felt confident. I knew I had a great audition, but I didn't get the part. The girl that won the role didn't even know all of her lines and her audition was rather mediocre. Later on my friends mentioned that I was great, but obviously couldn’t get the part because I didn't "physically" look like Rizzo. I wondered why my color would matter so much for a school play or any play for that matter. Needless to say I was later cast as "Miss Cleo" in a shorter production.

As I entered adulthood and began my university career, I became more comfortable in my skin. I made a diverse group of friends who encouraged me to grow in confidence and inner strength. However I continued to encounter instances of blatant ignorance. I particularly recall an incident that occurred while I was studying abroad in England. On a beautiful, sunny day at the park, a photo was taken of my boyfriend and I. When we got the photo developed it was grainy and dark. Upon asking for a reprint, we were told that the printing was not to be blamed for the poor quality. The ignoramus went on to explain that having a black person in the photo caused it to be dark. Thank goodness my self worth was strong enough at this point and I was able to laugh at the stupidity.

Now as a professional in the makeup industry I have been exposed to a multitude of persons, especially women who are deeply affected by "color classism.” I vividly remember early in my career being told by a bride "don't make me look dark!" My reassurance that I would do my best to find a perfect match of foundation for her skin tone was not enough. She continued on to say that she wanted to look "nice and fair" and that she "hated to look dark." I despondently continued to do her makeup. I felt saddened by her comments and request… She was the same complexion as me.

This scenario has repeated itself throughout my makeup career and it upsets me every time. Recently my heart broke when a teenage girl told me "I don't think you can make me look pretty I'm very ugly, everyone in school calls me ‘bun channa’ (a burnt split pea).” I was immediately taken back to my own experience of being called 'muddy' and said everything to the young girl that I wished was said to me at 7 years old.

I must acknowledge that the opposite also exists. People are teased and made to feel insecure for being too fair or ‘pasty.’ It's quite obvious that many celebrities sport the same shade of orange spray tan to create a perception of sun kissed skin. For them it's a healthy golden glow.

However, for those wanting to be lighter in complexion, it's a bit more convoluted. It's a perception of beauty, purity and class. In some cultures having fair skin is correlated to socio-economic status. Those with darker skin tones are automatically cast in the lower tiers of the societal divide.

In my honest opinion, it's all nonsense and we need to open our eyes and our minds. Who made up these rules about beauty and acceptability? Why are we so brainwashed? Why is it taking so long for us to open our eyes, to what I will plainly call bullshit?

In 2016 there are still products on the market for lightening skin. They are advertised with promises of better employment, better romantic relationships and better life opportunities overall. These are sick ideas that can be eradicated by our generation and future generations if we stand together and say NO! This will require deep self reflection and conscious action. We must look at ourselves, our language and our thoughts to identify and stomp out prejudice. Let's work together to help heal those who continue to harbor the belief that the color of their skin is relevant to beauty, love and success in life. Stand up to your own inner thoughts and to others. Speak up! Let's make a difference! Beauty always comes from within.

I want to hear your thoughts, feel free to share your stories and share this post with your friends. Let’s open up the conversation and create change.

Here are some links to more stories and videos on this topic:

Insecurities about the “Darkness” of skin

Fair? - A documentary about skin color in India

Black Lifestyle in Japan

Why Lupita Nyong'o's Lancôme Deal Is a Victory for Women of Color

Racism and Skin Color: The Many Shades of Prejudice

This obsession with skin color

Color me white – Inside the growing skin bleaching epidemic in Jamaica

Shadeism Part 1

Shadeism Part 2

Foxy Browns open up about dark skin

Actress Gabrielle Union talks about skin color and hair insecurities